MOJO CITY, March 11, 2002 -

In a shocking change of position, Riley Collins closed the "Jesus on Two Tortillas Shrine" today. Then reopened it.

The Shrine has been rocked by controversy, and a strange form of social protest, involving continuous repainting of the facility by people driving by and tossing paint-filled balloons.

"People claim that balloon-thing is a public relations stunt on my part. Hire some people to paint-bomb my place and I get all this free publicity. I only wish I was that smart. But it is a fine irony, don't you think? People try to stop the Shrine, but all they do is encourage other people to come by and take a look at what's causing all the ruckus."

An estimate made by Mojo City Police Lt. Tom Hunker suggests that the Shrine has been hit more than 200 times by paint bombs.

But that's not the story.

"I closed the Jesus on Two Tortillas Shrine because the images of Christ changed. Kind of disappeared. And besides, who's to say I really had Jesus on the tortilla? I mean, who is so well-connected that they can say that the image is Christ? Maybe God just decided to slam the image of some guy living in Pocatello on the tortillas. You know?

"So there's no miracle anymore. The face goes away and gets replaced by a drive-in. Kind of disappointing, but you can see the screen and the two posts where speakers used to hang, so while I was sad to see the face go away, I'm happy to see something cool like a drive-in replace it."

Riley, there's a bigger issue here.

"Yeah? What's that?"

The image changed. Who did it?

"Uh … oh. I get you. Well, time to open the place up again, I suppose."

A paint-filled balloon then landed, exploding at Riley's feet, covering him in emerald green.

"The color of money," grinned Riley, as he walked inside to open the "Drive-ins on Two Tortillas Shrine."

The image of Christ, or some guy in Pocatello, Idaho, has morphed into the image of a drive-in. Young people may have no idea of what this is. Which is a shame, because it was the perfect place for sex, hot dogs, sex, popcorn, sex, Cokes, and ... oh, yeah, movies shown in a way that took away all emotional context or appeal.

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