DIED HARD: Crayton Millings, 23 Wyomb Pl., when the headstone of his wife that was being hoisted to be placed in his back yard dropped on him.

LAST WORDS: From Crayton Millings ... Aw, crap.

 DIED TOO DAMNED EASY: Carlton Baker, who was busted five times for child molestation and the courts took it easy on him and hard on his victims ... from a heart attack in his sleep.
FOR SALE: Tombstone with the name John Smith on it. C'mon, folks. There's got to be a J.S. out there croaking soon. Cheap. FOR SALE: 2001 Subaru Outback that belongs to a cheating husband. Husband's dead for some reason. -Betty- SUICIDE: Tyrone Wheatly, about 32, 4311 Piker North Ave., in jail. Found with his hands tied behind his back, and hanged. Jail officials commented on his dexterity
MORE COMPLIMENTS: From Tyrone Wheatly's parents on the sudden death of Chief of Police Warren Bixley's career on being indicted IN LOVING MEMORY: Thank you for keeping me from marrying the man I loved, you bastard. FLOWERS ON YOUR GRAVE: It's an old Rolling Stones tune, and I'll keep putting them there as long as you stay in the ground.

KAREN: As your father, and not the bastard you think I am, I did not keep you from your beloved. And I am not dead.

 IN LOVING MEMORY: Rot in hell. HERE LIES A GOOD FRIEND: Who still owes me $20.00
LAST WORDS: Huh?
 LAST WORDS: It's hot in here. LAST WORDS: Wow. So, she really did like me? And if I'd just talked to her ... ?
GOOD FRIEND: Please call my wife. I can't get into heaven as long as I've not paid you back. Please call her. This sucks. WANTED: New Turf to replace the old stuff. Dogs keep pissing on the real stuff and there's this brown spot on my Uncle Willie's grave. That ain't right. WANTED: Ben Zimmler's address. He's pissed about the condition of my grave and I figure I might as well let him know where I hid $2.5 million in the walls of my bedroom.
FOR SALE: Tortilla with the image of Jesus on it. -Riley C.- PISSED: People making money off my image. PISSED EVEN MORE: Now that I've thought about it, I'm really ticked off that I don't get a cut of the action.
MOJO CITY HOME