NOTE: We figure most people have a TV and know what's happening. So we're going to provide some background on the events through surveillance-camera taped conversations with Cody Barstow and Riley Collins over morning coffee. They meet at the Mo-Jo Shop (once called the More Coffee Shop, but shortened, "Bring me some Mo' Jo"). We will continue to report on the Clown invasion and other events as they warrant, however.

Who Was That Quiet, Unassuming Man?

MOJO CITY, Nov. 10, 2001 -

[The surveillance tape shows a middle-aged man with thinning sandy hair and wire-rimmed glasses stopping by Cody and Riley's table. He looks down on them for a few seconds]

MAN: Been reading your articles in the paper, guys. Seems like you screwed up royally on your estimation of the Northern Alliance. They went into Mazar-e-Sharif and took it down yesterday.

CODY: Yeah, maybe so. But the idiot Taliban ran like the rat bastards they are. If they'd hung around and sucker'd 'em into the city and forced them into a house-to-house fight, they could have damaged them badly. At minimal cost to themselves.

MAN: I suppose. But they did run. Like the rat bastards they are. You should have figured that into your thinking.

RILEY: Do you mind? We're trying to eat breakfast here.

[the tape shows the man smiling at them and wandering out the front door]

RILEY: Who the hell was that?

A Northern Alliance top-secret document smuggled out of Afghanistan.

Previous Stories
Clowns
Fell Tyler Poofs
The Gunman
Old Glory

Additional Stories
Cody's Travels with Fred

It's too damned late.

The weather sucks.

CODY: The Vice President.

[The tape shows Riley spewing coffee from his nose in superior Stooge-style]

RILEY: Vice President Cheney?

CODY: Yeah. He comes up here a lot. He's got some double sitting around in the bunker in D.C. Says he'd go nuts if he had to spend all his time cooped up like that.

RILEY: I thought he was taller than that.

CODY: So, did we really screw up, Riley? Are the Northern Front better fighters than we'd given them credit? Are the Taliban rat bastard cowards unwilling to take a stand?

RILEY: Maybe they're just stupid. They had such an opportunity. But I don't think … I'm thinking leaving the town to the Northern Alliance might work to their advantage. They get into the mountains to the south, and they begin dropping mortars into Mazar-e-Sharif from the high ground.

CODY: They get the chance to move around and avoid the bombs we've been dropping on them while they were forced to remain stationary … while protecting the town.

RILEY: They begin operating like the guerrillas they are. And they become impossible to hit with bombs or artillery.

[The tape shows Cody leaning back in his seat with a knowing smile in his eyes. And Riley, suddenly jumping out of his seat and heading out the front door. The sound of Riley's loud, yelling voice is picked up on the tape]

RILEY: Hey, Cheney! Read tomorrow's paper. And … and … ah, screw it.