December 24-30, 2000

Fell Tyler Reappears

MOJO CITY, Dec. 28, 2000 - Fell Tyler, 24, 789 Second St., psychic consultant to the Mojo City city council and numerous members of the community reappeared today in Slightlybent Park.

Tyler had disappeared in a puff of smoke a week ago while consulting with the city council on the clown issue.

"She was way high up in this oak tree, screaming like crazy," said Annette Williams, 16, of 33 S. Ferret Ave. "I couldn't figure out what she was saying, so I just kind of stood there and screamed back at her. I guess she kind of liked that, because she took up to screaming again when I had to catch my breath."

Police eventually showed up, followed by EMT services, said Williams. "They all just kind of stood around looking up at her in this tree. She'd calm down, then look at the cops and medics, and start screaming again.

One of the cops said something about kittens in a tree and said he thought they ought to call out the fire department. Someone else said something about that fire thing that disappeared her [spontaneous human combustion] and said, 'Yeah. Get the smoke-eaters,' and one of the cops got on the radio.

Fell Tyler reappeared in a tree in Slightlybent Park in a tree much like this one. Except she was in one that was much bigger, it was an Oak, and she was way up toward the top, which of course, cannot be properly represented in a shot showing only the middle of a non-Oak tree.

This Week's Stories
Outlaws? - Dec. 26
Clown Laws - Dec. 27

Last Week's Stories
Clowns - Dec. 19
Fell Tyler Poofs - Dec. 20
The Gunman - Dec. 21
Old Glory - Dec. 22

Additional Stories
Cody's Travels with Fred
Killer Trees Infest Forest

It's too damned late.

The weather sucks.

"So, about five minutes later, the fire engines show up. The fire guys go running up to the tree, look up, and scream for ladders. They get this big ladder going up there and Tyler's still screaming and the cops are just kind of kicking around and this one firefighter goes up there and tries to pull her loose from the branch she's holding on to and she won't let go and they eventually get pissed at her and start calling her names and she's still screaming and someone got smart and called a doctor and the doctor goes up the tree and shoots her up with some stuff and she goes limp and someone really screwed up because they forgot she couldn't hold on to the tree with the drug-stuff in her so when the stuff took hold real good she kind of let go and dropped about 10 feet onto the next branch and spun out somehow and ended up in the … you know, the big bushy branches that are kind of nice to fall into … not the large ones, and she's lying up there all kind of sprawled out an unconscious and the fire guys are all screaming and yelling at each other and they finally get the ladder to her and they get hold of her and pull her out and get her down.

"I guess she had a broken arm or something because they put it in one of those plastic blow-it-up casts. And they did the neck-brace thing, but hell, they do that to anyone for anything. Got an overdose? Put him in a neck brace. You know?

So, anyway, they get her loaded in the EMT truck and she's headed off to the hospital. I look around, and watching from a place in the shadows, I see the Solitary Gunman."

CONTACT:

Scott MacGregor
managing editor
Cody Barstow
contributing editor